NightHawk101

Hm… Just to announce to those who are reading my blog, I’ve changed it to the following:

www.marshallong.blogspot.com

Please feel free to visit and comment. See ya all again…

Hm.. Yesterday marks the 23rd chapter of my life in this world.. Kinda fast.. In the blink of an eyes, I’ve span 23 years of my time roaming around the surface of the Earth.. Its been quite long since I last enjoy celebrating my birthday.. Other than my 21st birthday, I believe yesterday one was simply one of its kind..

I’ve received a present from my gf which money cannot buy.. and I liked it so much so that I simply can’t bear to put it away in a cupboard away from my sight.. It’s another level higher into the relationship for me and her.. Hm.. do anybody thinks that its a joke if I said I have the intention to settle down already? Hee.. Well, I’m kinda planning to get my own house now.. Trying to save up for it.. Regarding the car that I always dream of having, I guess I have to stall it.. My mum and I had a good talk this morning and she finally convince me to buy a house rather than a car.. Come to think of it, I’m kinda excited now to be able to have my own living space.. but the sad thing is that this transition period gotta be 2 yrs or more before I can realise it..

Hm.. one thing I have been thinking to myself for the entire day today.. When is it called ready to settle down? How old will be that age? I was thinking what makes a guy wanna settle down? Till now still does not have a concrete answer to it.. Hm.. As much as I would wanna settle down, the idea of settling down dread me too.. A good buddy of mine told me its becos I’m not yet financally stablise thats why I dread settling down.. I believe this is one very true fact that he hit on when we talked about this topic just now.. How easy it is said than to be done.. Anyway, things might really be less complicated when you have your own career.. which also means you are financially stablised.. Well, in this world, with money, there is nothing you cannot achieve.. Well, I mean those that can be purchased one of course..

Hm.. Enough crapping or dreaming already.. In about a week more, I’ll be starting to work in Singapore Polytechnic as a research assistant.. And in about 2 weeks time, I’ll be starting my school term in MDIS.. Hope everything will turn out fine for the future endeavour to come.. God Speed…

It’s been a long time since I last blog in… Once again, I’m here to share a bit of my 5 cent worth…

Life is like speculating shares… Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down… When it’s up, people tends to be blinded by greed and take things for granted… When it finally fall, many suffer… Hence there will be resentment and complains… about how they should not have done this or that when they are enjoying the peak…

Hm… a year ago, I keep thinking to myself my life is at one of its lowest… Nothing seems to go my way ever since I cross over from SISPEC… the only exception being I get to commissioned as an Officer and meet a hell load of my brothers from OCS and shared a memories load of experiences which I will never forget in my life… Perhaps thats one of the perks that the ‘higher being’ wants me to keep fighting on and experience the true meaning of life with its ups and downs…

The tide seems to change this coming year 2007… With a change of my job from Starhub to Nokia, I’ve found myself serving with a team of strong and supportive management. Unlike being in Starhub, the higher managment don’t give a damn about its staff… only cares about the sales figure etc… Nevertheless, without the bad, you can never find the good… So being both in Starhub and Nokia has taught me a lot of things… Mainly about being a better person…

The tide changes even more when I got to know my gf… She’s really a nice gal… Me, being a wood block, is often boring and dumb… Although I’m always quiet and sometimes there’s this silence between us, all I know is that, the mere presence of each other is already a bliss… After which, I smoothly got a job as a research assistant in my field of study… and of cos, I’m heading to Uni to further my study… I began to feel that the peak is coming… Being at the bottom merely a year ago, I keep telling myself I should not make any mistake like taking life for granted now when I can feel that I’m at the peak… No matter how long this peak will last, a word of advice to those out there is to take care not to ruin it… How you prepare yourself today will determine how you will be judge for the rest of your life…

Hm.. I have been thinking to myself about the teaching of my entire past 2yrs 4mths in the army… However vivid the memories can be, I still remember one thing that my Wing Comm taught us… That is to be calm no matter what happens… Only by being calm can a leader performs at his best and be able to exercise to his best ability… Does this calmness also mean numbness to you? Does being calm also mean being feelingless? I am still wondering till now…

When faced with adversities, normally, I am very calm.. So much so that I dun even know if it is me not knowing what to do or am I really calm… LOL… More than often, I have that calm feeling becos I’m actually putting up a brave front… It’s like being a gentlemen, you cannot let anything break you down… However tough the situation might be, you must not fall… thats a belief I always stood by since after my OCS days… I believe the officer’s creed has really struck me deep and got me psychoed even till now… Or maybe I mixed it up with the Ranger’s Creed as well… Both are equally motivating…

Other than being calm, a good leader should also look at the big picture… More than often, human tends to only look at the surface of things without getting much facts before jumping to a conclusion… I admit I do make that mistake too… but we should cut down on doing these… Does looking at the big picture turns out to be being numb and feelingless to the immediate situation too? Take for example that today by looking only at the surface picture, you saved a man from dying… but by doing that, you overlooked the fact that you actually risk the life of thousands tomorrow… Will you still save this man? Its a matter of doing something which is morally right versus literally right… by saving that man will of cos be morally right… but by saving that man and risking the life of thousand others is literally not right… In this case, how is a good leader able to react to this situation?

Forget about the military context and let’s bring ourselves back to the reality world… Same thing will apply in this case… Henceforth, the reason for doing things that is right is strictly dependant on the fact that the person is beholding… Sometimes, to do the right thing, we have to do the wrong thing to get it right… right?

The day 06 Mar 2007 shall always be remembered… Its only a short 2 days into my new work environment that I got to know this fine lady by the name of Novilisa… Some would have called it love at first sight. Whereas for me, I guess it could just simply be a change of tide for me… I felt attracted to her the first moment we brush past each other… So it slowly turn into a relationship that I could not resist… Come 16 Mar 2007, I posted my first question out to her after hanging out with her for the past few days… There was no reply and indeed I was begining to doubt myself too… about my capability of winning this "war" of love… The surprise is that we still hang out as usual after work everyday…

Its not until on the 20 Mar 2007 that I begin to realise that this is not a dream… Its for real, when my parent birthday was to be celebrated within our own family, my parent asked for her to join us and indeed she went… Its also till then, I asked her a second time about the same question I shot out 4 days ago… There was no reply again… However, its not until today on the 22 Mar 2007, I mustered my courage to ask again and the reply came… I had no words to describe how I feel… I’m simply overjoyed…

What my buddy told me is indeed correct… "Good judgement comes from bad experiences" Although love is blind, I’m definately not blind over this… This is indeed one of the good judgement… I mean, how bad can it be when even my mum likes her?

Hm.. Today’s the 4th of March and tomorrow will be 5th… It thus mark another new begining of my job… I am going to start my second job in the Nokia Care Centre… Doing something no different from my previous job, it is however somehow less stressful as compared to the previous one… At least I know that this job is all about being scolded by customer… That’s all… I don’t have countless promotion terms and condition to remember… Neither do I have to beware of non compliances which may be ended up as me paying for the wrongdoings… Let’s just hope everything will be fine… Somehow, this is still not my desired job and I’ll change again as soon as I have the chance… I’m designed to be in the Scientific Field and I’ll have to find my way into it once again after being so long in the army…

Talking about army, I just browse through those pictures which marks the different milestone of my path… I began to miss all my brothers again… I recently SMS one of my brothers - Bryan… We mentioned quite a number of stuff of which, this particular one sadden me the most… We each already have our own life and it’s quite hard to gather round for a meeting etc… Sigh… Days are not like before… Indeed, we had to lead our own life but I hope each one of us in it still have each of us in their memories as and when… Thou we might not be able to meet, the pure memories that we had is enough.. and it will be carried with us for life… into our graves that we who once bleed for each other, that we who once almost got frozen together shall always be remembered… That we, 58/04 Charlie Platoon 3’s spirit shall live on for as long as it takes… Hoo Ah!

One good news to myself and perhaps some… I’ve tendered my resignation for StarHub on the 16th Feb… Finally, the episode of facing the ugly side of mankind has finally come to a full stop for the time being… The past few days was indeed heaven to me… Not having to work and able to lead a life of my own… a life so fruitful…

It was not until on the night of the first day of Chinese New Year, I had such a weird dream… A dream which I was thinking to myself even after I was awaken at the end of it… In the dream, I was piggy backing (Code Name)"First J" around… to my very own surprise, she has asked me to think twice about the decision we made so long ago to part… I’ve told her that I don’t wanna to… and somehow I felt in my heart that there is still that kind of a strange feeling inside… It’s been really so long that I’m quite surprise that I dreamt of her… after my answer, she just lay behind my back falling asleep tenderly… I had to walk around just like carrying a back pack…

Somehow, the second surprise came when I suddenly met my ex-unit CO… he walked up to me telling me that this year, their Chinese New Year celebration was held at Point 36 or 38(I can’t remember when I woke up)… I asked him where is that place, he told me its kinda classified to disclose at that point of time, hence he brought me to this place(a canteen) where its so deserted… No one was around the vicinity too… Its really like those abandoned mexican cowboy style pub in the middle of a desert… There, then he told me about the place somewhere in Lim Chu Kang… I asked him why was it held there, he did not mention anything but just fade away… Then I sense that something is not right, I looked around and the next thing I had to do is to wake "First J" up… I stroke her head to wake her and she gave a tired reply that she does not want to be awake… The next thing I know is I was awake and there I am in my bedroom with the sun shining till so brightly across my room…

It’s even up till now that I’m still trying to decipher my dream… Maybe one of you out there has the answer? or is it just another dream of its own?

I was faced with one of the most shittest male that mankind can ever produce to this world… Walked straight up to me at the cashier counter, demand me to help him solve his problem and warn me twice not to ask him to go here and there… Here’s how it goes:

I was doing my routine job over at the cashier counter when this piece of shit just walked up to me and showed me his handphone showing sim card fail. Naturally, I told him to head over to CSC to find out what is wrong and he immediately issued me a warning not to ask him to go over here or there. Then I asked him does he know if anything is wrong first, he told me his pre-paid card fails on him… Then I told him, does he wan to get a new pre-paid number? He said yes and told me he wanted the remaining value in his old card to be transferred to the new one. Then I told him I am not able to do that for him, he has to go over to the CSC to do the transfer. Before I could even finish, he starts to warn me again and pointed his finger at me… (It’s so stupid of him. Has he ever thot of going to Macdonald asking for KFC?) I just can’t help him anymore, I turn over to my colleague and ask him wat is the grace period for him to transfer the old card value to a new card and I did not even borther to give him any new pre-paid cards… End up is my colleague serving him…

I was tolerating him all the way and I’m glad I held back my anger… It’s even up till now, I still can’t help but curse him to die so that I can be able to attend his funeral spitting on his face… This kind of amphibian shit is so immature… Simply displaying how bad an adult like him can act… Its simply wasting oxygen on earth… I bet his son can’t shit for ass… Cos he ain’t have any… Fuck his entire body and may God bless you to die early so as this world will have one less bacteria…

You have make known your status, I have understand my stand… I can never have, overcome the past… Its great that the blow is swift… Its great that the hit is goal… Its great that even before, I was in the shit hole…

I am quite relieve that you might have sense some clue and I am even more relieve that your response is quick so as to prevent myself from falling deeper… I am even even more relieve that I’m still the same for you… Thou you could never have been…

The day goes by, with the same thoughts of quitting getting stronger and stronger… I can no longer hold on to the will of fighting on anymore as day by day my will is being destroyed by the shear ugliness of mankind… I am living off my belief of my OCS teaching now… I am seriously wondering how long will this belief last… To Lead, We Can… To Excel, We Must… To Overcome, We Will… I am wondering how am I suppose to overcome the greediness of mankind… I am being poisoned by it day by day…

By the way, I have been asking myself the true meaning of loneliness… I think I still do not and have not yet fallen into the true category of one… The meaning of companionship also weigh on the other side of my doubt panel… Recently, I’ve just heard from two of my friend broken off from their partner… One of them is still my brother-in-arms… Well, its not really that great after all right? My stand of being wanna be unattached is becoming so true toward those example laid down by the people around me… rather than the dark history which I up till now have not yet forgotten… Perhaps wach has its own weightage on the panel itself… Which is more? The history? or the present?

How is it possible that sometimes, when you feel like doing something, but due to the fact of some history, you are afraid of doing it again…

How is it possible that sometimes, when someone told you that you are their sense of security, and you feel the same way for that person, but due to the fact of some history, you are afraid of carrying on your will…

How is it more possible that sometimes, when you know someone else is reading this right now and you seriously wanna keep some stuff as your secret, you blabber everything out here…

Well, let’s say for example I came across someone whom I just know naming "A"… As time goes by, perhaps I misinterpret the language given out by "A" as I like to think too much… I find myself getting closer to "A"… and so much so that I might even misinterpret the meaning of me giving "A" a good sense of security… Do you think thats call affection? Day by day, I know very much of where I stand… Day by day I just cannot help but look forward to go back to the shit hole I am in now knowing that you will be there to ease everything that comes my way… I can be your calming soul, just wanna let you know that you can be mine too… cos you’ve already did…

Anyway, I still do not know your status, and neither do I know my stand… thats why I did not wanna make my choice now… will the shadow of my past burden me? or does it help me to realise that you are the one thats true?